To care or not to care!

                                                    

I tried to let this go, but honestly the insane number of rebuttal letters to Ms. Mira Rajput and the whole hoopla surrounding her comments has forced me to sit and think about this entire episode. I say “think” because the way people blurt out on paper these days makes me feel that the “thinking” aspect is somewhere lost in the entire process.

Please stop reading if you belong to the sect of people who do not have the patience to read something fully and think for ten minutes before commenting.

For starters, I believe that the word “Feminism” is now the most abused word after the word “love”. So callous, so common and so misunderstood is this word. Everyone wants to wave the flag of feminism without even understanding the “F” of it. Feminism is not synonymous to demeaning men. Feminism is not about shedding your clothes in the name of your choice, feminism is not being brazen about anything and everything. Feminism is a powerful word meant to empower women and not shame men. We have become so impatient that we just feel good about justifying everything under the umbrella of feminism. Stop abusing  Feminism!

I have taken the time out to read what Ms. Rajput said, so nothing that I write is based on my whimsical theories alone. Yes, a lot of us have only read the rebuttal letters, without even going through what happened. She tried to bring to limelight home makers who do not work outside of their home. In the process of raising the pedestal of homemakers she ended up degrading a big majority of us who work and manage home both. I have always been a working woman, my mother works too and I do not plan to quit working after I have a baby. I have my reasons, my situations and my priorities to do so and Ms. Rajput has hers. She has never been my role model. I did not know who she was until she married Shahid Kapoor. So for me, a woman whose only identity has been her star husband, does not have the power to influence me or my lifestyle in any whichever way! She is just not that important or powerful. We have to understand this before making a hero or a villain out of anybody these days.

She said something. We did not like it. Fine. A few days back, Tanmay Bhatt made a video that did not go down well with people because apparently he mocked our big idols. What is up with the intolerance and importance given to things that would not matter! Why do we give these kind of people the privilege to dictate anything? She comes from a different background; her choices are drawn out of that and she nowhere asks us to do what she does, or whatever!

Why do we need validation from people who have no idea what the real world looks like!? I frankly care two hoots for what Ms. Rajput and her likes have to say. She is not that important and she will never be my ideal.

I would have taken it to heart had someone like Ms. Kiran Bedi had made this statement, or for that matter Ms. Sushma Swaraj had made this statement. Because these are the women I admire and would like to learn from.

It’s time we get our priorities straight, what to give importance to and what to ignore. Working women or home makers we do not need any validation from ANYONE.

A woman has the freedom to decide her life based on her own situation and priorities. Degrading either sector of women just because you fall into the other is plain stupid and nothing else.

Let us stop the stupidity by ending discussions about people who do not matter!

Love,

Divya

PS: I am a firm believer of  "No uterus, no opinion" metaphorically, so if you are not a home maker, not a working woman, not someone associated with any of these things then please don't spoil your day by irking me.

Qandeel Baloch - Definitely a victim, but sorry, not a hero.

Since everything these days just shoots up into news and breaks the internet, there is always a hurry to jump to conclusions, mark down your favorites and to just join some or the other support group. I am a firm believer that today’s world needs opinions from the right people and the right mindset. Then again, who gets to choose what is right and what wrong? I leave that to your own fertile mind to gauge what appears to be aligning with sense and sensibility.

Last week, we all woke up to the news of Pakistan’s social media star Qandeel Baloch’s murder. Honestly, I had no idea who she was or even what being a “social media star” means. She was murdered by her own brother and he termed it as ‘honor killing”. The social media went into frenzy with this news. People condemned the murder, said there was nothing “honorable” in it and so on. I am totally in agreement with the condemning of such criminally unacceptable acts. It was a heinous crime and nothing can ever compensate for the loss that her family is going through. My outlook however is slightly distorted. I am perplexed at the ease with which the media made her a hero. The internet went crazy after she was murdered and it kind of elevated her to a level that is beyond my understanding.

I am writing today with facts and figures correctly studied so be assured that I am not just ranting on some emotional account. I became curious as to why there were articles all over claiming her to be a hero. There must have been something in that woman. And again, I want to clarify that I am not trying to malign the dead or do something nasty. I am only using my basic rights to question before I declare someone a hero.

What is the basic definition of a hero, just so I am on the same page as anyone reading this? Well, in layman terms anyone who inspires people to do something good is a hero to me.

So I digged into what her biography was. Honestly, I could not even go through everything that was there on the internet because it was just disturbing. The media is just filled with her self made videos which have no sense content anywhere. It’s a trend I fail to understand – shed clothes, be provocative, be offensive and you are all for woman empowerment. I am so inclined to use the F word right now.

Women, everywhere in the world could use all the liberation they can get but sadly, this is not helping! In fact this is what leads to blatant objectification of women. It’s time we stopped treating ourselves as pieces of meat and then walk around with the banner of feminism. We need to give ourselves the respect we demand men to give us. And, trust me; I am all for comfortable clothing and other stuff what I am concerned here is the miniscule portrayal of a woman in the name of “woman’s voice”. Her idols were the likes of Rakhi Sawant, Sunny Leone and Poonam Pandey. Now, I care two hoots about what any of these people do in their lives. It is none of my business to be offended or happy on what someone else does in their lives but I will take a stand if a hero is made out of non-sense. I am not justifying her killing, I am only saying she is a victim; leave her at that, don’t make a hero out of her just for the heck of it.

Seriously, we need to understand what feminism is all about? Are these the kind of heroes we want to give our future generation? No way!

We as educated individuals have to raise concerns when the media goes bonkers over anything and any one. If we don’t exercise care in choosing our heroes, we have to be prepared to see them in our homes.

There are heroes everywhere; there is Malala from the same country. Yes, she is the hero we need.

And if you think, what has it got to do with me? I have a good life, I go to work, have dinner with my family and sleep. Then please go about doing the same but do not be sad when your own daughters face a hard time surviving in a world with such heroes.

Signing off,

D

W T Facebook :P :0

Happy , beautiful Sunday morning bloggy!

Sunday mornings have always been my favourite! They have a calmness that Friday nights and Saturday mornings lack. I believe because Friday nights you are busy making plans to kick start the weekend and if you are anything like the anti social being that I am , you are busy making plans to dodge plans:) And then there are Saturday mornings which are always hectic because YOU HAVE TO CLEAN THE HOUSE:(:(:(

That said, I love Sunday mornings more  because that is the only  "Me" time I usually get after marriage. That is when the husband is taking his long morning sleep and I get the entire cleaned house to myself:) I love all the "We" time but this "Me" time is much needed to clean my head. By cleaning my head I mean by connecting to all the weird thoughts that occupy my brain all the time. 

Now, when i talk about me, I talk about someone who has a big problem communicating at times. Yeah, I do. The reason being, I belong to the club of introverts and from what I have seen different people have different versions of their definition of an "introvert'. I personally think introverts are  people whose brains work faster than their mouths:) I mean, to think of it, I have trouble even ordering food at a restaurant! Yes, because how do I tell the waiter what i want. And it's not even just ordering food  in a restaurant, I face the dilemma all the time. To speak or not to speak. I guess that explains why I write. It's easier that way.

Enough said about the introvert club, I also belong to the "politically incorrect" club:0 Yes, that's where it baffles me! Almost like a dual personality. And then I blame my Sagittarian connection. Since diplomacy was never my forte, my mom had a hard time training me before i got married:):) The sad part is my face shows my emotions all the time!!! Some times I wish I could stop it! But no! I am sad, it shows, I am bored, it shows, I am irritated, it shows!! I don't understand how people are nice to everyome all the time! I cannot even fake a smile. it is that hard for me. I like you, you will know. And if you wonder if I don't like you, chances are you are right! I don't! and see all this politically incorrect things the Sagittarian brain is typing!! STOP!!!! 

Phewww!!! That is my everyday struggle, stuggling with the twisted complicated half ice and half fire brain.

So now that the Fire brain is woken up, I am going to write some totally undiplomatic stuff:( Read at your own peril. DON'T blame me if you get offended:)

Since Facebook acquires a fair share of our today's lives, I sometimes wonder about the varety of people out there! and I was able to stack them into some weird groups ! It sounded funny in my brain but may be evil on paper:):0

1. Like Sluts: 

Pardon my words, it's the Dragon writing:0 These are the people who like everything that everyone posts! I wonder how can you like everything!??? EVERYTHING? A normal approach I feel is that you like posts that connect to you or you like the content of the posts, but these people will like everything everyone will post. I am scared of such people beacsue at the end of the day you never know what their real self is! You don't actually know their opinions. I guess they dont have an opinion may be. Like always, I ask my all knower husband about things like this. And he tells me about the "Reciprocal Theory". Yes, he has a theory about everything. It is as simple as I kiss your ass, you kiss mine. Yeah , that explains :0 !

2. The Stalkers: 

Well, this breed will track down everything you do. You add a friend, they will add them too, you show your interest in an event, they will do that do, you showcase a certain talent, they will forcefully acquire that too:0 No wonder, Facebook has led to the emergence of a new breed of photographers, chefs, writers and what not. To each his own, I pronounce.

3. The snoopers: 

This breed is similar to the stalkers only that they are not open about it. They will seem to be dead and you will not even remember if they are in your list and then you make a grammatical error in a post and they will come alive!:0 Yes, these are the people who will never ever react to anything that you do and I am totally fine with it. But then, don't start jumping on my face when I make a mistake! Be dead like always:)

I could just go on and on, but then you can only offend so many people on a Sunday morning:):0

PS: By any chance if you feel you featured on this blog today, don't be offended! I wasn't talking, it was the dragon talking! Please go ahead and like my post :):) hahahahhahahahahahh

maa, meri maa, pyari maa..mumma:)

Yes, so after a self-undertaken hiatus of about a month from Facebook, after having pondered a lot over what I want to offer the world, I have reached to the awesome conclusion that I need to bless the world with my blogs! I have nothing more to offer the world but my writing :)

 So, I mulled over the topics I wanted to write, I wrote some articles on topics that were life changing, revolutionary and boring to death. So I threw them off and started burning my limited grey cells. With all the advertising about the upcoming Mother’s day, I thought I should write about the most interesting and colorful person I know-my mom.

 Yes, some of you will stop reading now because if I find someone writing about their mom, I would too. Because who wants to read again and again about the boring mundane stuff that everyone’s mom does!! So I decided instead of only glorifying all the sacrifices our moms make for us, why don’t we also celebrate their craziness and quirkiness!? After all, moms are human beings too and we always revere them so much that the crazy aspect gets no notice. I am going to write about my mom and the craziness with which she raised me up! Women are really crazier than they ever get credit for especially momsJ

 

Read the conversation below to understand what kind of a bomb I have for a mom.

 

Mom: Baby, will you eat aloo ka paratha?

Me: (with excitement) yes mom!

Mom: Make four then. Two for you and two for me.

 

That’s how she is. Funny. Sarcastic. Brutally honest to your face. And the best person to be with when you feel low. She is the source of all the confidence and at times over confidence that I carry.

 

She had me when she was just 21 and so she claims all her life I have been attached to her like a baby kangaroo. We kind of grew up together.

 

This photograph was taken when I was three months old. My dad looks at me so lovingly while the girl with pigtails who is busy eating something in the background is my momJ  

 

We used to live in Assam when I was three or four years old and my dad worked in shift operations. Given the unrest in Assam, at that time, there would be days when my dad would be stuck in shifts and he wouldn’t be home.

 

At some point of time, I forgot who he was and asked my mom “Why does this man live with us”?

 

She told me “Baby this is Papa, if he won’t go to work what will we eat and how will we live?”

Incidentally, dad could not come home for a week. So I pointed to my mom “See he has not come and we are living comfortably”.

That was how self-sufficient she made me feelJ

 

We used to be always late for school and she let me be a kid and bunk school. I guess till she attained the maturity that her child needed education. That changed her and she made sure her child topped every class and because English language scared her, she made sure her child attained a level of proficiency in English language to such an extent that even today all my thoughts are first processed in English and then to Hindi.

 

She was always aware of everything happening in my life. She made sure I would never lie to her by always letting me know, “Even if you kill someone, come to me with the truth.” And that always stayed, and I always know even now that if I have to conceal something from her, it probably is not the right thing to do.

 

While growing up, I was bugged by the pimples on my sensitive skin which is nothing unusual in the teenage world. I would complain to her citing examples of people with clear porcelain skin and she knew it would affect my confidence in the long run. She would say this to me “Yeah, their skin is so uninteresting that even the pimple does not want to be there!” To think of it now, that is the silliest argument, but it helped me during that phase. She made me feel beautiful by always saying,” It’s your soul that it meant to be unscarred; the skin is just a cover”.

Till day, I am bugged by people pestering me to put on weight, and she has always been so firm in saying this “Don’t disturb your natural body cycle by paying attention to crap. These are the same people who will pester you to lose weight once you gain it”. And I always love her for making me feel like Kareena KapoorJ

I did my Master’s after working for six years and she was my secret inspiration. I knew if she could start at career after thirty and successfully thrive on it, I can do whatever I want in life. She has been teaching kids for free for many years till the number of kids became unmanageable for her. She is one of the most respected teachers where we live in India and it has more to do with her persona than her teaching style.

And to say the least, cooking never interested herJ She cooks awesome food but she is a moody chef! My brother actually has haunting memories of her experiments with cooking J She made really horrible dum aloo once when dad was away and only me and my little brother were there. We could not eat that and she shouted at us “You little scums, I cook so hard for you and you don’t even eat it”. I don’t know what happened after that but we made sure dad was always there when she experimented with cooking. But the one thing I learnt from her was - you don’t need to be a typical mom who cooks and cooks and cooks for her kids to be loved by your kids. She made sure I learnt cooking but never made that the goal of my life. She taught me that cooking does not define your gender. It is just a matter of interest. I still never have large bags full of snacks made my mom when I come back from India. She will rather pick beautiful clothes for me than stuff food in my luggage. That’s her!

She always has such a giving attitude towards everyone that at some times the self-proclaimed sane people at home (me, my dad and my brother) have to consciously be the villain and stop her from donating all our stuff. She never even thinks twice before giving away anything be it her favorite thing, if someone asks for it. May be that is the reason, our house is always flooded with people who love her so much that at times we feel like her adopted kids instead of real kids. But that’s her!

I have always been a daddy’s girl and I share more traits with my dad than her but now that I am married and now that I see myself jumping up and down on the bed with my victory dance after I beat my husband in some online quiz game, I know I have also inherited her crazy genesJ Love you mom to the end of the universe and back a zillion times!!!