A bride's steps into her new life!

As I stood there decked up in a heavy red and gold lehenga, bejeweled with heavy ornament
s, a mang teeka, a nath for the first time in my life, no one else knew that my heart was beating louder than the sounds of the approaching baraat. They said I should not be buying a red and gold lehenga that was so heavy because I would never be wearing it again in my life.  I could never reuse it. All my mom said was “Exactly, you will never be a bride again so wear the finest thing you want to wear!” and I ended up being in a lehenga I will always cherish and remember fondly.  I looked down at my hands all jeweled up and decorated with mehndi. The dark mehndi from which the name of my future husband looked back at me mischievously.  The name that was going to change my life. The name that would be my destiny in a few minutes. 

For a girl whose life has always revolved around books and writing, jewelry and dressing up was never something that attracted me. But then this was no ordinary day. This was the day when I was the bride. An Indian bride. There are fewer things on the earth more beautiful than an Indian bride. An Indian bride is not a girl and neither is she a woman. She is only a dream. A dream that her mother sees when she holds her in her arms for the first time. A dream that her father sees every time he teaches her to walk and talk! A dream that her brother nurtures every time he sees her!

And then there was some noise and people came in to take me out. I searched for my mom and there she was! Hiding tears of joy and holding my hand firmly. I do not know what overcame me at that moment and I found my eyes watering and my entire body shivering. For someone who has zero stage fright, someone who has been the best orator all through the years, I can never figure out what scared me at that moment. Now when I think about it, I realize that may be it was the feeling that the steps I was going to take now would take me away from my family and it was such a powerful feeling that I could not control myself. My mom held me close to her while I took the baby steps towards the stage. The thought that I would be leaving behind my dad who is the strongest pillar in my life, my mom who is my lifeline and my little brother whom I have held in my arms since he was a baby, hit me hard like never before. 

My eyes were downcast but I could hear loud noises coming from the side where the groom was seated, those were cheers from my new family. Unknown new faces who would all be mine in a matter of few hours. A few steps and I would be someone’s Bhabhi, someone’s chachi, someone’s mami.  All in a few steps. It unnerved me for a while but my thoughts were broken when I suddenly felt a lingering gaze upon me. I looked up and saw a handsome guy with dimpled chin smiling and looking at me. Inadvertently, my face lit up and the widest smile played on my lips as I realized I was also taking the final steps towards Anubhav. My companion for life. And, I knew, I was headed in the right direction. 

India's daughter

It has been many times that I have written about crimes against women and each time I write it has less to do with my brain and more to do with my heart. I never based something like rape on facts but the documentary on Nirbhaya rape case did manage to set my brain thinking .

Why does the rapist in prison not have even one percent guilt on his face when he mentions what all they did to that girl?

Why do all of their families look alike? All from below poverty line, people who struggle to have two meals a day? 

Why do the lawyers talk insensitively about women ? Why do they dictate mandates to women instead of warning the perpetrators of crime?

Why are there only questions and no answers ?

First and foremost Indian culture cannot be blamed for any of these things. People who do so know nothing about Indian culture.

Indian culture is based on " Yatr naryastu pujyante ramante tatra devta" meaning where women are respected, the Gods rejoice there. A culture built on this foundation cannot be anti women. A culture that boasts of educated women like Gargi and Ahilya who were as educated as their male counterparts cannot be regressive. No I simply do not accept the way people just take a dig at my country's culture and get away with it. No my country and its culture are not regressive. 

The deterioration of the mental attitude of Indian society is based on many factors. Each time we watch and appreciate a film like Ranjhana, we are anti women and anti any rights that a girl carries to reject a guy. We sympathise with the hero who lusts after her and chases her till he dies. Yes we adore him , so do allteh pan wallahs, all the rickshawallahs all the bus drivers. What we dismiss as a masala entertainer is serious idealism for these people who have nothing going right in life for them. There is a strata of male, the poor uneducated and opressed ones. They are frustrated from every angle. More mouths to feed, more to earn but no way to do so . All the accused in Nirbhaya's case were from same uneducated poor families. I am not blaming every poor person but I am just trying to understand what goes behind their minds. Because as we can see remorse and guilt is not what the rapists in this case felt.

It was not just a rape, it was their assertion of power. Yes, that is the way they operate. I am no psychologist to write and debate on such sensitive matters but yes I am a woman and I know what it feels like to be victimized and penalized for no fault.

We need to work at the root of all this , may be we cannot eradicate all of it , but wherever possible when you come across kids begging on streets or working in tea shops, please take a moment to talk and know about them . Whenever possible contribute to schools that are run for these helpless kids. We need to cure this anger that may just grow with their age and then come out like a volcano.

Sympathizing with needy kids is always easy and the best thing to do. This is the way we can cure our society from this leprosy of insensitivity.

Otherwise we can only caution and warn our women and just pray that th women we care about don"t get raped and killed. 

Houston diaries #1

It has been like a crazy hiatus from blogging and trust me blog i missed you more than you missed me!

yeah i did.because this blog is that sacred haven where i rant about everything that bothers me , everything that pleases me or anythign that can attract my attention for more than 30 microseconds (yeah i have the attention span of a goldfish:P)

a lot happened between the day i last blabbered about being irritated in office and today .. i am jobless as of now.. living far away in Houston ...new place new environment..btw environmental engineering is the career turn i took engineering is the career turn i took 

                                             

like most things that go wrong after we plan them in life this decision too happened on its own accord..had anyone told em this in my engineering days that instead of an MBA in HR i would be going for studying core technical stuff that too in US i would have laughed my guts out:)

but then life is what happens when we are busy making other plans:)

i had my own plans ..not big but plans they were..i was supposed to be married with a kid by now ..yeah i always plan on having one kid of my own biologically  and adopting a second one ...but then life had other plans....which were the ones that actually materiaised

a few months ago i was in jamnagar ..working on things that did not challenge or motivate me enough to get my adrenaline pumping..may be in a span of five years in teh same job you develop a lackadaisical attitude that stops you from getting your ass off the chair and do somethign challenging..you start becoming cosy in that comfort zone ...i was in such a comfy phase...no travellign in traffic..no boarding crowded buses...no dealing with strangers ..no worry about getting a job..no need to cook or clean or do any housework!

and bam! US happened..here i am struggling with grades...getting the research mode developed..workign on new technologies on subjects unheard of..competing with the best brains in this field...living on limited funds..managing cooking ..cleaning the apartment ..doing laundry..ironing clothes all on my own ..and m i complaining?..yes i do when things become too many and too much to handle ..but most of the times i am glad life made em take this decision..

because it helped me break out of my own reserved shell of not adapting to new things..i became aware of how little i really know about this world..and how much is there to explore...i love travelling in buses here with a mix of people from so many different backgrounds!

i love the fact that i have learnt to smile at strangers and now i don't shy away from saying "how u doin":P:P

i love that in this independence i have discovered my own weaknesses and limitations..i want to grow old not just become old with the attitude and stupidity of a twenty year old..i want to age maturely..i want to experience everything and accumulate wisdom instead of just age!

i love the fact that i have stopped judging people from their appearances ..because they are so deceptive...i am still learning to understand that not everyone who talks sweetly to you means well..and also that not everyone who tells you your shortcomings is your enemy..

yes life i am growing up! at least that's what it feels like..

shall continue writing amidst the assignments as it cleanses my brain space:):)

PS: i love wearing the shortest possible clothes and not being stared back the most:P